the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
