so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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