Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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