Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
