You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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