Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
