I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
