Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
