my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
