Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
