Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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