mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
