Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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