There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
