guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
