My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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