I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
