dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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