I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
