I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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