Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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