You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
