My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
