I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
