The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
