Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
