I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
