I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
