I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
