dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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