ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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