your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
