ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
are you so shy because you have an std?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize