I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
