Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I cockslap morals
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize