Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
