Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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