kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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