I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
