And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
