me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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