she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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