Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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