Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize