i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
