so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize