dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize