All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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