Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
