i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
