We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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