I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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