You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
