Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
