dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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