Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
