I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
