The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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