I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
