At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
