only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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