Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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