Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
