there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
