you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
